HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLYING

1.   When someone says something mean to you, and it’s clear they are trying to elicit a response or make you feel bad, simply say, “Thank you for sharing that.” This puts a quash on the conversation, as you are neither counteracting what they said or inviting them to expand further. You can simply say this and then change the subject.

2.      If what the person has said is really nasty, consider asking them to repeat it. “I didn’t catch what you just said. Can you repeat it?” Chances are, when confronted with needing to repeat their critical words again, the person in question will not.

3.      If, after enacting point two, the person does repeat their critique, then ask them the following question: “Are you trying to make me feel bad? Is that why you said that?” Saying this points out to the person that they have said something hurtful and invites them to explain themselves or apologise to you. Often, harsh and critical people don’t know the effects their words have, so this points that out without directly accusing them.

4.      If the person in question doesn’t immediately retract by saying “Oh it’s nothing”, “I didn’t mean it”, “Me and my big mouth” or, “No I didn’t want you to feel bad. I just thought I would pointed it out.”

If they say, “Yes, I did want you to feel bad,” then you simply say, “Well, that’s not going to work because I’m not letting that in.” Simple as that. Then change the topic.

5.      Lastly, if a harsh and critical person just doesn’t relent despite all the above efforts, then you should tell them the truth about harsh and critical people. You can say something such as, “Since we are giving feedback here, did you know that critical people reserve the worst criticism for themselves? Indeed, criticising others is showing you, you are hurting on the inside. Hurt people hurt people. You must not like yourself. I’m so sorry you feel that way.”

Indeed, a funny thing happens when you begin to view harsh and critical people through this lens: you may find you have more compassion for them. You will realise that they are not perfect or happy but, rather, the opposite. This is a great thing to learn if you are experiencing bullying at school: that a bully is not about what you have done wrong, but about how the bully feels about his or her own life.